Jumbled...

Hmm I feel i should try to have some organization for this post... or maybe i'll write separate posts for what i wanna write... hmmm...

So it's now 2009 and 2008 was here then gone in a blink of an eye.

Time definitely flies, it feels like just yesterday it was January 2008 and i was starting my second semester of college. Now i'm ending my 3rd semester and working for half a year... the start of what i like to think as the 3 year meat of my undergraduate education... coop and school for the next 3 years! then a nice breading at the end with a regular year of academics to finish it off. Anyways I'll try to recap some major things that happened this past 2008?... Here goes...

• I don't think i set a new year's resolution last year... soo fail on that note haha...
• I've learned not to get emotionally involved... with anyone except for the reason of building a stronger friendship... not for liking reasons though (maybe...??)! I don't know if this is a bad thing since it sorta makes me hesitant on whether or not i want to get emotionally involved with someone... both with friends and potential significant others! but then it also protects me from worrying about relationships/friendships more than i need to... My fall 08 semester was very busy and i think that's when my distant self started to develop... granted i met a tonn of new people and i'm very thankful for that... but even still! I DID get emotionally involved... and slowly stopped myself... see? it seems like a bad thing in my mind since it's like i'm missing out on opportunities or whatever... So it's almost as if i'm conflicted with it all... do i be transparent to others? or be cautious about what i say to others... In my mind i think i want to be transparent to others (and when i say transparent i mean like no fake personalities that i show to others or not caring what i say around people or w/e...)... being transparent allows for more open relationships which is always a plus! OK actually thinking about it... i wasn't very conservative with my relationships... and in fact i WAS transparent... BUT there were my exceptions... that i almost wish i acted differently.... soo my year consisted of relationships that i was both transparent and conservative with... I guess it all comes down to what i want to come out of the relationship/friendship... Cause to be honest i think i'm a very open person... it's just a matter of asking! Initially i'm not going to blabber my mouth around, but when it comes down to it... my 1 on 1 interaction with people is on a very personal level. I love 1 on 1 interaction... it allows for much much more significant conversation to occur! Of course i enjoy group environments though... but depending on the group of people i can sometimes be one of the quiet - er ones..? and i dont really observe myself too often so i don't know hahaha. uhhh ok wow i think i totally contradicted myself... sooo i suppose the first half of this paragraph about not getting emotionally involved is more directed towards girls i like to put it plainly. But it definitely does not mean i can't have conversation with them... it's more of an internal battle for my mind... which makes me lean towards friendzone with many people. Again... not the worst thing in the world to be part of my life (laballed as friendzone to potential significant others)... I've almost gotten use to it... like an expectation to be put into the friendzone... sooo when it doesn't end up that way... it'll be a surprise! and thus be more signficant and exciting for me! hehehe but also friendzone also is like an investment into relationships! cause in the future things change... and anything can happen then =) aka get me the efff out of friendzone! So cutting off emotional attachment in a relationship automatically makes me direct the relationship towards friendzone... and i think it happens without my even knowing... since i'm not on the other end observing myself i dont know what kind of vibes i give off! lol. But friendzone isn't such a bad thing right?... like i said things could be worse...
  
• In continuation to the last tangent bullet... my label has definitely been confirmed in many different instances that I'm merely a "Good guy" or a "Good friend"... or to generalize... the typical "nice guy"? I've been told with people that i talk to that they feel like they've known me for forever once we get to know each other... i find it amazing how things can end up that way... but it's just how i am!... i'd like to think that people feel confortable talking to/hanging out with me... and i definitely get that vibe... but again... i'm only me and have no judgement on myself. ANYWAYS i'm talking about myself too much...
  
• So in a nut shell... 2008 was:
• I met alot of new people, built up many of my relationships/friendships, made money (summer ebay), witnessed a family friend survive a STROKE (huge miracle, thank God!), witnessed my uncle survive through a brain tumor/cancer (thank God again!), did decent in school (but of course not up to my mom's standard, but to mine i did good), learned alot about my faith (the handful of retreats helped with this alot).

Well.... that was epic fail if i dont say so myself! I'm sorry for that jibberish above, but i didn't feel like going back and changing it in a more organized sense.... either way... i take this blog as one big monologue to myself... that YOU are also listening (reading) to... and that's just how i do my blogs!... granted i use to have so much more organization in my blog life... man what happened to that? Actually i'll definitely have more organized posts in the future! It's 430 AM now... and i'm tired... so that's prolly why this post is so messed up... nevertheless...

Thanks for reading,

DYung